Remember Me
by PurelyBlissful
Summary: In this uncertain world the only things that felt remotely real were the nightmare and the feelings. If the feelings were anything to go on, River Song knew only one thing and that she was definitely not plain. M for later.
1. Chapter One: No alarms and no surprises

Hello everyone! This is my first Doctor Who fic. I've been writing ff for years but I was never so good at remember that I need to publish them :D But I'm very excited about this one, so trust me! I'm a massive River/Doctor shipper so if you do any rude comments about them, I'm gonna be angry :D But be free to critisize anything about story as long as it's not an insult. I don't like to talk about my story so just read it. This chapter is inspired by Radiohead's No Surprises, italics are lyrics from song. Also English is not my native language :)

Also I'm C_lem on twitter and purelyblissful on tumblr. Follow if you want, I might post some 'spoilers'

**Summary **

After River dies in the library and is sent to CAL by the Doctor, she slowly begins to notice the insubstantiality of the life surrounding her and with the strength she feels from her memories, she starts to look for a way out.

Rated M for smut and angst.

**Chapter One: No Alarms and No Surprises**

_I'll take a quiet life,  
>A handshake of carbon monoxide...<br>With no alarms and no surprises, _

River Song lived in a nice part of town, in a nice house. She lived with her three children and loving husband. Life had a certain rythm to it. Get up, prepare breakfast, wake the children, get them to school, housework, picking up the children, help them with their homework, have dinner, family time and bed. How lovely that sounds... A happy, peaceful family life, every women's dream. River was, or at least felt, happy with her life, until something starting gnawing at her.

_A heart that's full up like a landfill,  
>A job that slowly kills you,<br>Bruises that won't heal._

River Song couldn't remember. She couldn't remember anything. One day she woke up and her husband wasn't lying beside her. River had no recollection of her husband ever having been there. She didn't remember his name or his face, his touch or his voice, his scent or his taste. It was like there was nothing of her husband but a cacaphony of meaningless visions or sounds. There seemed to be nothing of his face. But there was one thing, a feeling. Deep down in River's heart and veins there was a feeling that she couldn't name. Nevertheless she trusted the feeling and that it was for her husband. With that trust she put her loneliness to one side and closed her eyes.

**Crimson...**

_You look so tired-unhappy,  
>Bring down the government,<br>They don't, they don't speak for us. _

She dreamt of a woman, one with red hair. She saw how her hair swayed in the wind but not her face. When the woman turned to face her, River's eyes turned misty. No matter how hard she tried, the womans face evaded her. Other than the woman, everything was clear. River was in a very familiar house. The woman with the red hair, called inside her voice breaking and echoing in the garden where she stood.

_Such a pretty house  
>And such a pretty garden. <em>

"Rory!"

River started to scream. She was sobbing. At that moment, a man carrying a _crimson_ blanket walked out of the house.

"Rory?" the River muttered between sobs but the man didn't turn and look. Poor River, she just stood there. She was on the floor, she was crying, she was screaming to be heard. Something was tearing at her heart, a feeling was tearing at her heart. She noticed she wasn't the only one crying. The woman was crying,

...and so was the man.

"Please..." River begged not knowing what it was she was begging to.

"Why doesn't she come back Rory? It's been weeks, why isn't my little girl coming back? I wait all day but she never comes." she shouted.

The man seemed to have no answer to give. All he did was hold the woman and cry by her side silently.

"Please" said River again "Help me..."

Suddenly man and woman turned to her at the same time. Their faces still weren't visible but River hoped for a moment. She thought they could hear her and she thought that they might help. As she opened her mouth to talk, she heard someone else's voice.

"Amelia Williams, it's time to stop waiting."

River ignored her heart that had started racing at the sound of the familiar voice and turned to the man. But at that moment everything went black and River woke screaming as his face went unseen.

1 Week Later

River hadn't recovered from the dream. The worst part was she wasn't even trying to do it because the nightmare had was more intense, more familiar and more real than the life she was living.

The questions that came after the dream had made her dig deeper. It was like a veil had been lifted from her eyes and she could see everything clearly. But everyone around her seemed happy, no one complained. Was River the only one smart enough to notice? Or was she losing her mind? The second option was more plausible to her, she had never been one to set herself above others and besides how could she have known she was smart? River was just a plain old housewife and mother and she was beginning to doubt that she was even that. She couldn't even remember her childrens' names. If everything lived was lost the next day, it was impossible to know what she was. It was impossible for her to know whether or not she was smart. Other than this there was the feeling deep down. She could somehow, somewhere deep down feel the adventures, the feelings, the heroics and even the failures that she couldn't recall. And in this uncertain world the only things that felt remotely real were the nightmare and the feelings. If the feelings were anything to go on, River Song knew only one thing and that she was definitely not plain.

_No alarms and no surprises,  
>No alarms and no surprises,<br>Silent silence. _


	2. Chapter2:Something Wicked This Way Comes

**Author's Note: **Thanks you very much for review(s), alerts and adding my story to your favourites. Also thanks to people who liked/reblogged link of story on tumblr. Thanks for your kind words on twitter. I'm so happy that you like my story, and the happier I am, the faster new chapters will come =)) This chapter is longer and inspired by Nick Cave's 'O Children'. Italics are lyrcis from song :)

Also I don't own anything. Everything belongs to BBC and writers. But I'd love to own River Song as wife.

**Chapter 2: Something wicked this way comes**

"_No one forgets the truth Frank! They just get better at lying_." Revolutionary Road

_Pass me that lovely little gun  
>My dear, my darling one<br>The cleaners are coming, one by one  
>You don't even want to let them start<em>

River was being followed. Ever since she had the dream, people followed her constantly. People she had never seen before walked in front of her house, watching River through the window. When she went out, the followers followed without even attempting to hide themselves. A couple of times River thought about calling the police, but something inside stopped her. She thought that maybe these unknown people could have something to do with her dream. She even tried talking to them but whenever she approached them they started to back away and eventually River would lose them. One time they waited at her door for so long, she got so anxious and she slept with a knife by her bed. Even if it had something to do with the dreams, River wasn't happy about being watched 24/7. If they got any closer, or attempted to touch her children, she would be very angry. After a while they stopped following her, they didn't go past her house. River stopped worrying.

_They are knocking now upon your door  
>They measure the room, they know the score<br>They're mopping up the butcher's floor  
>Of your broken little hearts<em>

Delight…

Crimson… Delight…

In the dream, River was in a beautiful place. Somewhere familiar, with familiar people... There was the couple from the dream she had weeks ago (weeks, had it really been that long?). Amy and Rory… They looked much younger this time, more alive, unbuttered and happy…

Delight...

_O children  
>Lift up your voice lift up your voice<br>Children  
>Rejoice, rejoice<em>

This time there was a pretty, dark skinned girl with them. As soon as she saw the girl, River felt a strange closeness to her. It was a closeness she had never felt before. It lasted only a moment but it was like River was sharing in all her pain, happiness, hopes, everything. "Poor girl…" thought River, all the pain and responsibility in the girl's giant heart had broken her own. The girl's heart was like a road that forked in two. River felt like she was inside the girl's heart, she could see the two roads, the two wildly different roads in the girls heart. One was so dark; it scared River more than anything she had ever seen. The other road seemed to go after dreams. Where all good dreams were, where all happy things happened.

Delight...  
>Crimson... Delight... Petrichor...<p>

River was distracted by the wind that entered when Amy opened the window. She closed her eyes and let that smell in. There was nothing special about the smell, but it had some kind of relevance. She couldn't put a name to the smell but it was familiar and beautiful. It made her feel much better than her meaningless life, the children she couldn't name and the husband she couldn't put a face to. It was closer and clearer and more reassuring than all of it. It was like…

… home. What was it? What was the smell? Who were these people? Whose was this house? What world did she live in? Why did her life seem meaningless while her dreams were so familiar?

_We have the answer to all your fears  
>It's short, it's simple, it's crystal dear<br>It's round about, it's somewhere here  
>Lost amongst our winnings<em>

Petrichor...  
>Crimson... Delight... Petrichor...<br>Something old... Something new...

"The smell of dust after rain…" she murmured. Tears came un-beckoned, a blue toy caught her eye and everything else was unclear. And then she woke up.

_Forgive us now for what we've done  
>It started out as a bit of fun<br>Here, take these before we run away  
>The keys to the gulag<em>

"River" said Dr Moon. River was sitting in the living room and hadn't heard him enter. River hadn't heard anything for days or was it months, or maybe just a few seconds, she hadn't done anything, at least not by choice. She didn't shower but she was clean, she didn't eat but she wasn't hungry, she didn't move yet she suddenly found herself reading a story to her children. River was starting to realise that everything around her happened by itself. It was like someone had programmed her life and she was just living the life someone else wanted her to live it. She had no control over anything. She had a past she couldn't remember, one she probably wouldn't, a family she didn't recognise and a home that didn't feel like one. She didn't know if she had a job, she didn't know if she had anything at all. All she had for sure were her dreams and the sounds and images that came to her mind. And that girl... That dark skinned, strong girl and that girl's feelings, memories... Nothing, not even the dreams felt as real as that girl.

"River?" Dr. Moon said again. This time River heard him faintly and turned to him.

"Dr. Moon, my apologies, welcome."

Eleven... Eleven... Eleven...

Eleven... Eleven... Eleven...

ELEVEN... ELEVEN... ELEVEN...

"River are you okay?" asked Dr. Moon calmly. He had an unnerving calmness. And River couldn't remember him either. The name was familiar though, there was something familiar about the name. Something... Something... Eleven... Eleven... Moon... Library... Donna Noble has left the library... Donna Noble has been saved... Has been saved... Has been saved...

"River, we need to talk." said Dr. Moon

_The cleaners have done their job on you  
>They're hip to it, man, they're in the groove<br>They've hosed you down, you're good as new  
>They're lining up to inspect you<em> 

"River, I know there are things you remember. It happens to people here sometimes. We tried to keep you from remembering, from seeing but we failed. We failed because you have a different mind to everyone else here, a different heart, a different composition. No matter how much we tried, we couldn't stop you. I know others won't be happy with my decision, I've decided to help you in a different way." Doctor Moon looked at River. He waited for her to say something but River didn't even look his way. She listened to everything he said in a trance like state, she was trying to fit all the pieces in her head. 

"This life River, these children, this house, everything and everyone here doesn't exist. You died River. You sacrificed your life for so many others. And then you were saved, here, to CAL."

River didn't move. It was like Doctor Moon was just proving what she already knew. She knew all of it, she remembered. Her head had started to ache, like an overloaded computer. Computer... River had been saved to a computer...

Saved...

Crimson... Delight... Petrichor...

"River, you have to remember. If you don't want to live here, you have to remember." said Doctor Moon.

"But how? I remember. I remember what you've told me. But I can't put it together. So many things, memories, people, adventures, feelings... I see all of them, I hear them but I don't know... They are just visions and sounds that I can't place. It's like something is missing... There's a piece missing Doctor... Doctor... Doctor Moon."

ELEVEN! ELEVEN! ELEVEN! ELEVEN! ELEVEN! ELEVEN! ELEVEN! 

"But you feel something don't you River? You feel something very strong for someone, right?"

"Yes. BUT FOR WHO?"

"Think of a person's happiest moment. Think of the most important person for someone who is married. What is the happiest moment those people share?" 

*  
>Doctor Moon had left. He had asked that question and left. Happiest moment? Her husband had to be the most important person. But how could someone she didn't know be the most important one? She tried to search through everything in her mind.<p>

_O children  
>Lift up your voice, lift up your voice<br>Children  
>Rejoice, rejoice<em>

The_ blue _thing in Amy's room... River opened her eyes and looked around her. She looked at the _old_ bookcase in the living room, her daughters _new_ coat on the hanger, the book her son had _borrowed_ from the library. Those images stuck in her head when she closed her eyes. The new red coat, the book joyously borrowed by her son, the old bookcase, the blue object, the smell that filled the room... Home... Home... Eleven... Blue...

Crimson... Eleven... Delight...Petrichor...

Wedding. The happiest day you could have with your husband! Wedding! And something... Something that one must have at a wedding!

Something old...  
>Something new...<br>Something borrowed...  
>Something blue...<br>TARDIS. TARDIS. TARDIS.

"Vrorp... Vrorp... Vrorp..."

**End of Chapter.**

_Rewievs will be very very welcome :)_

_Also I'm C_lem on twitter and purelyblissful on tumblr, you can follow, ask questions about story if you want :)_

_Lara._


End file.
